some correspondence about Anthrax (the heavy metal band)
Throughout the 1980s, one of the musical staples of adolescent boys who locked themselves in their bedrooms and turned the volume up to 11 was the heavy metal band Anthrax. I myself am entirely innocent of the details of their musical ouevre, but I think they were a band you could appreciate as much in total ignorance as by actually going to the Hyperdome and experiencing them.
Here's some recent e-mails between me and my old newspaper buddy John DiP.
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Dear John,
Happy Halloween! I can't imagine we'll get more than two trick-or-treaters, and each of them will be surrounded by some sort of Vigilante Committee. I sincerely hope the kids aren't dressed as American flags. Amazingly since Phase 2 of the terror scare, I haven't heard word one about the old heavy metal band Anthrax. You'd think this would be their big call back from retirement.
Bob
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Bob:
Happy Halloween. I guess this is not the year for an updated "War of the Worlds" broadcast, eh?
I did spot a thing about Anthrax, the band. It was in a recent Sunday Times, I think. The band actually issued a statement apologizing for their unfortunate name, explaining that they named their band in a Different Time, Before Everything Had Changed.
This is what the terrorists have done to America: They have made metal bands apologize for their metal-band names.
Cheers, John
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Dear John,
That's absolutely the most depressing thing I heard all day.
I mean, what is a Heavy Metal Band, anyway? It's a bunch of guys who deflower virgins, trash hotel rooms, worship Satan, frighten the citizenry, outrage the clergy, give parasites to supermodels, do tons of hard liquor and illegal drugs, get pulled over with cocaine and smack and loaded revolvers, leave a huge mess behind, and most of all -- never apologize for anything.
I mean, what are they saying? That "anthrax" had a much more innocent, soft, gentle, comforting, warm-and-fuzzy meaning in the '80s?
"Anthrax Says They're Sorry" is so depressing, so depressing. I don't count on Bush to be smart in this crisis. I don't count on the Marines or the Air Force or the Green Berets or the Navy to win the war against terrorism.
I counted on Heavy Metal Bands to continue to be vulgar and offensive and disgusting forever.
B
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