Abandon hope, all ye who enter the theater.

It looked like another above-par heist movie. When I saw previews for "The Score," I thought for sure the combination of Robert DeNiro and Edward Norton were going to be a strong pairing for the experienced-thief-out-for-his-last-take-and-the-new-guy-looking-to-stab-everyone-in-the-back schtick that's been done a couple times before.

But the stellar acting of DeNiro and Norton just couldn't polish this turd.

This is where I'd run down a brief synopsis of the movie, letting you know the basics of the plot and try not to blow the ending for you in case you want to see it. That's impossible. This movie is blown for you. If this movie were any more predictable, I would have already seen it. Oh, wait. I have...

Adept to the highest degree, Norton yet again pulls off another dual-personality role. But we've already seen that in "Primal Fear" and "Fight Club." DeNiro uses his acting prowess to deliver another brilliant-tough-and-wise crime mentor, but we saw "Goodfellas," "Casino" and pretty much any other movie he's ever made. Marlon Brando even made a few appearances, bringing a lively performance and a little comic relief.

The movie had all the pacing of a three-toed sloth making its way to a dead beetle on a branch. Long before this movie ever knew where it was going, I knew what was going to happen. The obnoxious jerks in front of me eating nachos knew where it was going. The lady three rows back who wouldn't shut up knew where it was going. Crying babies knew where it was going.

Additionally, this sad little movie wanted so bad to have plot twists, but just couldn't produce. It just floundered up there on the screen, letting so much good acting go to waste.

The team of four unproven writers need to be dispatched to holes in the desert, Frank Oz needs to wake up in a dumpster for attempting to direct a crime movie and even though DeNiro isn't stepping up for credit for his hand in co-directing this mess, someone needs to take him around back and alley-whip him for doing this to us. They all owe me for the tickets, drinks and snacks.

I make ugly threats, but they can't get away with this.

laura
(posted by charlotte)

CNN.com - Missouri sues company behind TV psychic Miss Cleo - July 25, 2001

"A.I." Movie Review: a warning note to all sucky and sad Hollywood Blockbusters

I thought I'd be the sweet wife and surprise Dave with a couple tickets to "A.I.," since he wanted to see it, and as Jon Stewart said of it on "The Daily Show," "I'm excited about this movie because the commercials tell me to be."

You all know that I'm a sucker for movies, and I know I don't mind suspending some disbelief every now and then...like, yeah...OK...so I can deal with the idea that there is a passageway that can slide you into the mind of John Malkovich. And sure...I'll buy for a minute or two that someone who looks like Julia Roberts may actually have a hard time finding the perfect relationship, but one can only be given so much for so long before finally screaming on the inside, "Gimme a freakin' break!" And close to three hours of being expected to believe that anything that's happening in this movie is even entirely possible or remotely logical is just a little too much to ask of a person.

There are moments that made this epic-with-a-cast-of-three tolerable. For your money, you get a couple laughs, an interesting, albeit not entirely original, take on the future and excellent special effects. And the story isn't really so bad itself. There were moments that I was thinking, "Hooray for movies! Movies are great! Look what they did!" I may actually want a spooky intelligent, mobile teddy bear. I can't decide. And then there were moments that made me want to shake Stephen Spielberg very hard and slap him around and ask him what the hell he was thinking.

This movie, based on a short story, proved that there's a reason stories are short. But if you're willing to put aside the poorly-developed characters, blunt-force social commentary and plot holes to equal the size of the budget, it's a very pretty movie to look at, and should be seen in the theater. The dollar theater. When someone offers to take you and maybe throws in a large Dr Pepper. Actually getting in your car and going out to rent it and watching it in your house would be a waste of your time.

The moral to this story. Buy a robot. Buy a child. But don't buy a robot child.

laura
(posted by charlotte)